thinking about
bringing it back
life's different, these days
after all
but there's a part of me that's -
well, nostalgic, perhaps
although
really,
i just miss the quiet intensity
the friendships (?)
if you can call it that
the freedom to be -
me, 
far away from everything else.  

cloudy fall afternoon;
the reds and yellows of
Boston autumn,
blow away by the blustery day.
tut tut, it looks like rain.

waiting in the airport. Chicago => Dublin => Paris. 5 months.

ciao!

spending next semester in Paris.
so excited!

i never do this, but i couldn't resist this one.

my favorite romantic movie scene is this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2tqVQX_H3c&feature=PlayList&p=C86CE7133BAE4082&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=7

because Harold Crick is dorky and weird and awkward and Anna Pascal is beautiful and wild and bitter.  and Harold does the most romantic thing he could possibly think of - to bring the baker...flours.  

not to mention the movie is amazing.  it's in my top 5, and if you haven't seen it, you should.

i'm making the switch to wordpress
after 3 years of this journal
and 4 before that of another
if you'd like to follow me over,
here's the link:
http://augustinerose.wordpress.com/
i'll be keeping this journal,
for the sake of a couple of communities
but i'll be updating over there.
good luck to everyone
it's been a great run.

here is what i wrote
two years ago last night:
"was that a date?"
and it was, as it turns out
watching the first Transformers movie
(for free!) and sitting at
Starbucks, talking, talking, talking
until it was time to go home
two years ago,
when i was insecure and
ready to run away
still hurting from paul
and along came this boy
with bright blue eyes that
crinkle when he smiles,
and a silly little laugh
with skinny wrists and knobbled hands
who taught me what it really means
to be in love.
last night we went to Summerfest
and danced on the benches at Guster
with his arms around my waist
pressing kisses against my ear
two years already
i can say without blinking
that they have been the best of my life
and we've got our differences,
passed the "honeymoon" period
and had fights and annoyances
but because of that,
he knows exactly who i am
and chooses to love me anyway.
i can't think of any better reason
to be with someone.
so two years have passed,
and i am looking forward
to the next two, and the next two
and the rest of our lives
because i can't wait to see where we go.

and so it is,
that three days after
David's wedding,
Ryan is about to propose to Liz
i can't help feeling somewhat jealous -
i am eager for when it is
my turn to become a Russell;
still, i am thrilled for them
i know they will be a beautiful couple
and this time, fingers crossed,
i'll be seen as more a part
of the family.

Micah's brother is getting married today
at 2:30 in the afternoon
in the church where he met his fiance
and in a little while, i will put on my
lavender dress and green pearls
and go.
is it strange that i should feel a little
selfish, a little annoyed,
that Micah is a groomsman and an
usher and a clean up man?
that i won't get to talk to him until
after the wedding, the pictures,
the cocktail hour, the dinner...
maybe, if i'm lucky, by 8 he'll actually
have time for me.
i feel like such an outsider to that family
even after almost 2 years.
i know that i don't have a ring on my
finger, but do they even realize
how awkward today will be for me?
since i don't know anyone
who will be there, because they have
made a distinct effort to keep me from
meeting extended family. 
i wish that i could just skip it
and show up at 8 pm
it would be better than sitting alone
for the ceremony, twiddling
my thumbs afterwards, and
sitting at the "kids table" with the
assorted children of friends
that they didn't know what else to do with.
oh, just don't mind me.
i'm just grumpy because they also
decided to renovate their entire house in 2
weeks, including carpets and walls,
so i haven't spent any real time with Micah
since getting home from school
and i miss him. 
i should console myself with the fact that
after today it will be over;
after today he'll have time for me again.
i just wish it was never a question of him
"having time" for me...i wish that i could
take priority, at least sometimes.
i'm keeping my fingers crossed that
someday, i will be the priority...
though it seems like that won't be
until our own wedding.

campus is empty
it grew cold and grey today
and i have packed my life away
into a corner of the storage room
and three bags to take home with me
i met some friends for dinner last night
and walked across the bridge at
sunset, loving the way the heat and
haze made the city glitter
as the sky turned red and purple
my cab will be here in 10 minutes
and i'll be on my way.